Don't make out with my wife yet
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
