Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
