im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
