A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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