Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
