You can't motorboat a personality
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
