Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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