how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
