hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize