he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
