i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
