Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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