haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
