I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Come on in and take your pants off
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