were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
