I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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