So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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