9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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