just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sext me about skeletons
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
