I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
