No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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