This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
