If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
