I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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