You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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