You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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