U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
