This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
