Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
