good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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