Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
