We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
