my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
