Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
