How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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