East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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