My cat gives me a boner
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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