I will die if light touches me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
