Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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