i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
