the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
