...so i touched it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
