She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
