my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
