forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
