I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
