You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will be naked everywhere
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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