Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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