Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
