sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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