I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
