Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
