and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
