North Korea, Best Korea!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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