I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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