fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
