it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
