You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
