can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
