I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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