yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
