I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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