We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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