What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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