We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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