He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
