I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
