I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
