I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
