CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
