I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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