Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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